I torture my children

At least they say I torture them.  It's not REALLY torture, I don't tie them up or use tools of destruction (not that I haven't been tempted).  It's more the type of torture where you make a dog sit, put a treat on his nose...and wait.  I suppose if you are a dog, that is torture.  But eventually you always get the treat.

Bubba ran away the other day.  He argued with his dad about chores and computer time.  After deciding our rules were stupid, and yes, torture, he took off.  Speaking of torture...I spent THREE hours looking for him...

On the verge of calling the police, I finally found him...headed home.  I pulled the car over and motioned for him to get in.  He rolled his eyes, put his scooter in the back seat, and got in the front.  I decided, I was going to REALLY torture him...so, I said nothing. 

Ten minutes went by in total silence.  He was fidgeting in the seat, and glancing sideways at me until he couldn't stand it anymore and finally said, "Sooooo, you gonna say anything?" 

I decided to prolong my torture awhile, and waited a full five minutes before finally saying, "The next time you decide to run away, would you please leave me a note telling me where you will be going so I don't worry and call the police?"

Quite frankly, I can't even put into words the look he gave me, and I am rarely at a lack for words!  It took him three hours before he came back to me and said, "Doesn't leaving you a note telling you where I'm going defeat the purpose of running away?"

Me: "Didn't I find you headed back home?"
Bubba: "Well, yeah"
Me: "Then you weren't running away"
Bubba: "Well, I thought about it"
Me: "Well, oddly, it's NOT always the 'thought' that counts".
Bubba: "Bummer"
Then I sent him to bed, with no desert...I know, I know I torture my children SO MUCH!!!

Wait til he has kids who wake up in the middle of the night, have explosive diarrhea in their diapers, and projectile vomit after every feeding. and then eventually learn to walk and speak and turn into teenagers...now THAT is torture!!

I also torture my dogs...though, I agree, in this case, it may have been torture.  We have a light above our kitchen sink, that when turned on with no other lights on, will produce shadows.  Daisy made a new friend this morning...I called it "Daisy's Shadow".  She spent quite a bit of time playing with it.  Until I turned on the overhead light in the kitchen and Shadow disappeared.  Daisy looked all over. 

Watching this take place, and finding it quite comical, I admittedly began to torture Daisy, as I began turning the overhead light on and off watching her get excited to see her Shadow and then disappointed as she tried to find it....hehee

However, in my opinion, this was slightly deserved as Miss Daisy woke ME up at 5:30am this morning because she couldn't hold her bladder.

I was just getting even...

Children Have No Filter

I was dressing this morning for an important meeting in which I will run into several people who I want to/need to impress.  Though, quite frankly, I'm pretty sure that I have already impressed the important ones. 

After dressing, putting shoes on, brushing teeth and hair, I went straight to the top to get their opinion on how I looked....my kids.

Me: "Do I look ok?"
Bubba: "Wow, Mom! You look GREAT!"
Banana: "You look fat"
Bubba: "Ban, that's NOT nice! You don't tell old people they are fat"

Really?? HAHA!
My children do not have filters.  As an adult, I can choose to turn mine on and off.  So while I WANTED to say:
"I may be fat but your ugly and I can lose weight but you will ALWAYS be ugly"....
I did not....for three reasons.

1.  It's not true...Banana is super cute.
2. She is six (almost 7 as she frequently reminds me)
3.  I chose to use my filter....and instead replied.

"Banana, it's not nice to tell people they are fat, and Bubba I am NOT old!"

They began their breakfast.  Banana insists she knows everything and began giving us math problems to solve.

Banana: "What's 1+0?"
Bubba: "1, give me a hard one!"
Banana: "What's 60 +18?"
Me: "88"
Bubba:"78, Mom clearly doesn't understand numbers"
Me: "I was a psych major"\

Bubba: "Banana, what is 2x+4=18?"
Banana: "That's not math"
Bubba: "Yes, it is, it's geometry"
Me: "No, it's algebra"
Bubba: "Oh yeah, but you can't possibly KNOW that...YOU were a Psych major!"

HAHAHA! Get on the bus!

Anyway, I chose to stay dressed despite looking Great and Fat...and apparently old.
However, despite the lack of filters...I am glad I am not a rabbit, because I enjoyed this chat with the children this morning!