Children are Frustrating!!!

I constantly hear from people, "Children don't want to misbehave, it's not like they lie in bed at night and think of ways to make you mad".  These people obviously don't know my children!  MY children do INDEED lay in bed at night thinking of what evil they can do the following day.  I'm sure they are thinking, "What can I do to make mom mad?" 

Bubba's evil got him grounded from the computer.  So he is meandering around the house allllll depressed today, hoping I will get sick of it and tell him he can get on the computer.  I learned that trick.  However, being a literal child, he came to me this morning and states, "Dad didn't say I couldn't play my video games, just that I couldn't get on the computer." 

Me: glare
Bubba: "What?"
Me: "You KNOW what"
Bubba: "No, I don't" (innocently)
Me: "Yes, you do"
Bubba: "No, I don't"
Me: "Yes, you do"
Bubba: "No, I don't."

This could have gone on for hours.....but didn't. 

Me: "YOU are in TROUBLE...BIG TIME TROUBLE!"
Bubba: "Does it help that I feel bad about what I did?"
Me: "NO! You are grounded from ALL systems, computer, video games, everything!"
Bubba: "But I'm bored...and sorry"
Me: "No, your bored and sorry you got caught.  If your bored, go read a book, you got two new ones for Christmas"
Bubba: "But I have to finish my library book"
Me: "Then go DO that"
Bubba: "But I don't feel like reading"
Me: "Then go get your shower"
Bubba: "But I want to get my shower later, or tomorrow, cuz I don't have school til Thursday"
Me: "But you stink now"
Bubba: "I will put deodorant on and I'm still bored"
Me: "Then do your chores"
Bubba: "I already did my chores"
Me: "I can give you more to do, windows need washed, vacuuming needs done, dishes need done, laundry needs done...I can go on"
Bubba: "I think I'll go read my library book"

Couldn't we have just skipped all the in between and gone straight to reading the library book???

In the meantime, Banana is at Grandma's for a portion of the week (YAY!).  I get a call from her

Banana: "I'm getting a cold, I want to come home"
Me: "You want to come home already? You've only been there one day"
Banana: "I want to come home now"
Me: "Ok, I will come get you in a little bit"

I drive ALL the way across town and pick her up from Grandma's.  We get home and my terribly ill child starts jumping all over the place being NOT ill.

Banana: "I feel better now, can I go back to Grammies"
Me: "No, you were too sick to stay so you have to be home now.  Go to your room and rest"
Banana: "But I feel better, and you said when I felt better I could go back to Grammies"
Me: "I said when you feel better in a few DAYS you can go back to Grammies"
Banana: "But I feel better NOW"
Me: "But I am not driving you ALL the way back to Grammies just for you to decide you want to come home again, so you can wait a few days and then go back"
Banana: "I asked you at Grammies if I could come back when I feel better and you did this (nods her head and hums "mmhmmm")"
Me: "I was listening to Grammie, I wasn't really paying attention to you"
Banana: "BUT...
Daddy interrupts: "I'LL taking her back, it was quiet when she was gone!"
Me: *SIGH*

Rabbit comes to mind......